Shanghai .. As I know it.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Sorry, another old blog entry that I'm moved over for keepers sake :P .. Tryin' to organize everything so I don't lose certain things that mean something to me. Though it may sound lame. But this entry was written at a time when my life was at the ruts. So reading it helps me remind myself to work harder and not let unnecessary ppl drag me down ~ be that cheerfully la la me that I know how to ~ lolz .. okie so here goez ;)

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Last night I got a chance to talk to a close friend. We reminisced about the good times we had while we were studying in LA. How at the time, though sometimes we complained about how bored we may be, it was actually still more eventful than our lives now.

Our conclusion was: maybe it’s living in a city. A city where everything is so close together. So close that you can practically do everything your mind allows you to do in one simple day. So instead of appreciating everything that we had, the resources, the people. We become numb to the convenience provided by the intimacy of things around us. Yet at the same time, slowly & deadly, we become so dependent on this intimacy that we lose ourselves in this busy vast city. We no longer can do anything on our own.

During our conversation, we came to ask ourselves "what happened to that independent girl that we used to be?" The girl that could drive around town on her own, eat her ice-cream, buy her groceries, & go back home feeling satisfied with her simple yet eventful day?

My answer was: simply because our lovers changed. Lovers as in the city we lived in. If LA was a man, he'd be chill, and mature, gave you all the time you needed and never try to force anything that you didn't want to do on you. You'd have all the time you need to do your own things but still he'd be there to hang out when you're ready to. Shanghai, on the other hand, will be one of those demanding man that forever wanted your attention. Shanghai expects you to be ready and on the go every second of the day. & THAT my dear is the biggest problem, because not only you lose yourself, but the city loses its spectacular shine that it once had when you first got here. The 24/7 intimacy dims the excitement, and makes both you and the city take granted of each other. Not only do you lose the appreciation for each other, but very likely you'll start to despise the noise the two of you make.

People in Shanghai HAVE to go out every night. Many nights we go out not because we want to go out but there's this feeling that if we don't we're missing out on whatever that’s going on. We get scared that if we don't go out to this one dinner, then we will lose that connection to those who we came to depend on. But in reality, all that is just a bunch of bullshit. The fact that you see the same people at the same places, and party at the same clubs, simply equals to NO NEW EVENTS IS REALLY GOING TO HAPPEN. Really you're not missing out. Because in the end, it’s yet another drunken story about how you tripped over the stairs, or how that person passed out.

So really, we're all in a relationship with the city & like all relationships, its easy to get carried away and lose yourself in it. But again, like all relationships, it’s always ok to stand up and leave. Maybe it'll be hard to get used to at first, but slowly, you'll find urself and learn to feel fulfilled. & if Shanghai is as magnificent as I think it is, it'll give me the time and space I need, so that I can once again feel content with the person I know I could be.

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